My question is, is this a necessary phase of life? I don't think so. People would have you believe that you MUST go through this to learn from it and come out the other end. Now, mind you, if people need to go through this, that's understandable. We all have our own journeys and most of the people I know have gone through this. I just have not. I never needed to.
I thought that maybe once I moved to Dallas, I would go out and get crazy and sew my oates in a sexual capacity. Nope. The one thing I have realized about myself over and over, opportunity after opportunity is that I don't need to learn those lessons through action. I have seen enough people go through this to know what they are searching for.
I get called a prude at least once a week by someone in my life. I know it's a "joke" and none of my friends mean harm or offense by it. However, year after year of being called a prude because I don't sleep with a mass of people gets tiring. I won't lie, after hearing this over and over I have considered that I am the anomaly and that I should be sleeping around, that something was wrong with me. I have had casual experiences a few times, but that lifestyle and/or phase just doesn't fit me and never will. Yes they had some value, but I want far more than those moments could ever offer.
Maybe I am a weirdo because I am gay and I should be out sleeping around. Maybe I am strange because I believe sex does and should have value. Maybe I am strange because casual sex is nowhere close to fulfilling to me. Maybe I am strange because when I give myself to someone sexually, I really want to share a part of myself with them. Maybe I am weird because I know there is no sexual act without physical or emotional consequence. Maybe I am strange because I desire to connect. Maybe I am strange because sex without laughter, movies, friendship, and an emotional bond doesn't hold value to me. Maybe . . .
Or maybe I just know some things and believe them whole heartedly. Maybe I am setting myself up for failure because I want it all and refuse to settle for less. However, I do know that I would rather have nothing, than a small percentage of what I truly desire. Maybe I just know myself really well. And don't get me wrong, I want sex like all of us. I just want the mind blowing sex that requires the trust and care of another.
I am happy about the choices that I have made and the ones I never needed to. I am pleased to know very much what I want and what I need. And yes, next to the norm that makes me a little odd, a little different . . . but I wouldn't have myself any other way. I am an old soul and a 40 year old in a lot of ways . . . so sue me :o)
Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am right. Who knows? All I know is that at this point in my life, I only want to have sex with someone I care about.