?

Log in

Tragic Male Spinster & Lunatic [entries|friends|calendar]
Pretty Things

[ website | my space ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

This is long overdue. [01 Jan 2010|11:17pm]




Justin

42 | Pretty Things

Technology, wonderous and strange. [12 Jun 2008|05:54pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

So remember that one time I completely forgot that I had a LJ checked and old e-mail account? Funny how even years after I am dead, this seemingly silly and pointless journal will still be sitting somewhere in cyber space. Accessible to the world at large, a world of new internet junkies with no concept of who lil' ole Justin Potter was.

It is so strange reading all of these old posts. Looking back now these events seem so very far away, but reading them over puts me in the exact place I was all those years ago.

I think I may start writing in this again.

I no longer live in Texas where most of my friends are, I am married to a great man, I have a dog (Theodore Roosevelt III, or Teddy for short), we are about to buy a house, and I am generally happy with my life.

Revisiting this journal could prove a new and useful outlet to me.

Not that any of us really know each other any longer, but I hope all is well.

8 | Pretty Things

Baggage Check! [30 Apr 2007|03:17pm]
It's always something isn't it. Heh.

Well, I have just been thinking lately about my life. Past, present and future. Yes I have had some free time on my hands as of late and introspection is inevitable, sorry. I have come up with baggage. Isn't it ironic that in an airport setting you always seem to be waiting on your baggage, or losing it all together . . . yet in relationships you can seem to rid yourself of it? Go to an airport and any hobo will steal your material baggage, get in a relationship and you couldn't give your emotional baggage away for free.

I've been thinking about how happy I am with Matty. But thinking about my present happy relationship with the man that I love brings questions of my past relationships. Then I remember that every relationship prior to this, I was lied to countless times. I was badly hurt. The problem with these relationships is that I didn't want to trust my intuition that something was awry. When I finally gave into my gut and checked into things, it was always me on the losing end. Finding out some horrible truth I never wanted to know . . . then going through the process of piecing myself back together.

Now I find myself in a confusing state. I am with a man that I love, that loves me back. And it is a truly wonderful feeling I was pretty sure just wasn't in the cards for me. But uh-oh, here comes the baggage of my past experiences. I have realized because I have been deceived every other time, that I am completely petrified it is going to happen again. I have no basis to think Matty would do this to me and I am certain that he wouldn't. But my experiences in the past have conditioned me to be paranoid and fearful of this. I am realizing that my past experiences have not only wounded me, but made my ability to trust another man astronomically hard. Of course it doesn't help that I have NEVER seen an example of a gay relationship where cheating, lying, or "opening the relationship" didn't occur. None of these things are acceptable to me.

Basically the point is this. I trust and love Matty. But there is always that voice in the back of my head saying, "Watch out . . . wait for that shoe to drop" or "Justin, you always lose at this thing called love, why should this time be any different". So then the question is this: How do you escape your conditioning and past baggage?

I am assuming it is something that just takes time, I hope anyway. I can't constantly freak out about every little thing because of what happened in my past. What completely different people did to me. But at the same time, I don't know how to turn off that scared little voice in my head either. At the same time, I know from my past that as soon as I become comfortable, feel safe, that is when it hits. Again . . . all past experiences. I refuse to work myself, or the man I love into a whirling dervish because of something that has nothing to do with either of us anymore.

Anyway, those are the neurotic thoughts for today. Leave it to good old J to be neurotic even when he is safely in a loving relationship.

Justin
1 | Pretty Things

The Whore Phase? Nope. [17 Jul 2006|08:32am]
All of my life I have witnessed this in all people young and old: The whore phase of life. This presumably happens to all of us at some point, we all, as young adults go through a period in which we do nothing but go out and have sex with everything we find attractive. Most people go through this in their late teens to early twenties, some people after that, some people never escape.

My question is, is this a necessary phase of life? I don't think so. People would have you believe that you MUST go through this to learn from it and come out the other end. Now, mind you, if people need to go through this, that's understandable. We all have our own journeys and most of the people I know have gone through this. I just have not. I never needed to.

I thought that maybe once I moved to Dallas, I would go out and get crazy and sew my oates in a sexual capacity. Nope. The one thing I have realized about myself over and over, opportunity after opportunity is that I don't need to learn those lessons through action. I have seen enough people go through this to know what they are searching for.

I get called a prude at least once a week by someone in my life. I know it's a "joke" and none of my friends mean harm or offense by it. However, year after year of being called a prude because I don't sleep with a mass of people gets tiring. I won't lie, after hearing this over and over I have considered that I am the anomaly and that I should be sleeping around, that something was wrong with me. I have had casual experiences a few times, but that lifestyle and/or phase just doesn't fit me and never will. Yes they had some value, but I want far more than those moments could ever offer.

Maybe I am a weirdo because I am gay and I should be out sleeping around. Maybe I am strange because I believe sex does and should have value. Maybe I am strange because casual sex is nowhere close to fulfilling to me. Maybe I am strange because when I give myself to someone sexually, I really want to share a part of myself with them. Maybe I am weird because I know there is no sexual act without physical or emotional consequence. Maybe I am strange because I desire to connect. Maybe I am strange because sex without laughter, movies, friendship, and an emotional bond doesn't hold value to me. Maybe . . .

Or maybe I just know some things and believe them whole heartedly. Maybe I am setting myself up for failure because I want it all and refuse to settle for less. However, I do know that I would rather have nothing, than a small percentage of what I truly desire. Maybe I just know myself really well. And don't get me wrong, I want sex like all of us. I just want the mind blowing sex that requires the trust and care of another.

I am happy about the choices that I have made and the ones I never needed to. I am pleased to know very much what I want and what I need. And yes, next to the norm that makes me a little odd, a little different . . . but I wouldn't have myself any other way. I am an old soul and a 40 year old in a lot of ways . . . so sue me :o)

Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am right. Who knows? All I know is that at this point in my life, I only want to have sex with someone I care about.
Pretty Things

Dallas! [11 Nov 2005|05:08pm]
Well, I am here now. In Dallas. I have no internet access as of yet, but I just wanted to let everyone know that I am here and alive!!

Justin
5 | Pretty Things

No one cares, but . . . [08 May 2005|01:06pm]
ALT's 'Superstar' a showcase of talent
Review

By CHIP CHANDLER
chip.chandler@amarillo.com
Amarillo Globe-News


Eleven years ago, Amarillo Little Theatre had an explosive hit with "Jesus Christ Superstar."
Now, the theater has revived the show in an ultra-modern, hip new staging. Will lightning strike twice?

Yes, without a doubt, based on Friday's opening night performance.

The smartly cast, dazzlingly sung "Superstar" is easily the best thing on ALT's Main Stage this season, and one of the strongest shows there in some time, period.

It's not a perfect show, by any means, but ALT's fine staging glosses over some of those troubles. And its powerhouse cast makes you forget, or at least not worry about, some of the weaknesses of the material.

It's hard to remember, in fact, a stronger group of singers put to work on an actual piece of musical theater, rather than the revues that have been so popular lately at ALT. "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" from last season certainly comes to mind, but "Superstar" tops even that.

The shows do share a common thread, though: leading man Jason Hudson. Hudson's dynamic singing, good looks and engaging stage presence serve him well again as the title character in "Superstar," though his voice did sound a little tired on occasion Friday.

He's well matched by his character's nemesis, Judas Iscariot, played by Chuck Alexander in a dramatic departure. Alexander is known for roles that play off his innate likability, but he has to subvert that in playing the role of Jesus' betrayer, and he pretty much pulls it off. There's no question, though, that Alexander's vocals are the strongest in the show.

That's a tall order, though, because "Superstar" is filled with great vocalists. Lindsey Wilkerson makes a dynamite debut as Mary Magdalene, displaying a warm, lush voice.

Devlon D. Jones gets a show-stopping moment as Simon Zealotes, though his voice didn't cut through the throng as well as you'd expect from his past roles.Justin Potter, as Peter, showed that he is continuing to develop as one of ALT's go-to guys, singing better than ever.

That top-to-bottom roster of fine singers particularly helps in "Superstar," because vocals and staging are all this show really has to offer.

Basically, "Superstar's" roots as a concept album show too strongly. Lloyd Webber and Rice wrote the material as a chain of tunes, and even this strong staging can't make up for that.

As a series of songs, "Superstar" is undoubtedly successful, particularly with this cast of fine singers. But as a cohesive musical? It doesn't quite come together. Themes are introduced, but follow-through is lacking.

That's a significant flaw, but it doesn't come close to derailing the show.

Besides the strong singing throughout, director Allen Shankles stages the show vividly, making each moment count, even when "Superstar" doesn't completely tie together. Choreographer Anne Lankford does good work too, though the dancing is performed at varying degrees of competence. Music director Rolando Salazar does powerful work with the orchestra, which hasn't sounded this good in ages. And the set design - credited to Shankles, Gregg Dunlap and David Walsh - is extraordinary.

"Superstar" may have some faults, but none that should damper the thrill for most patrons. Get your tickets soon, though, because they're selling fast.
6 | Pretty Things

[08 May 2005|12:57pm]

The Keys to Your Heart



You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.




Justin
Pretty Things

Better [05 May 2005|08:30am]
Last night was much better at rehearsal. I got no bad notes and I did speak to Rolando about his tactics. It seems that he is one who may not consider the effects his words could have on another. Anyway, it's cleared up and fine. He was a little harsh and I overreacted. Done and Done.

Tonight is preview night, let's hope all goes well.

Justin
2 | Pretty Things

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]